Grandparents and parents are unforgettable

As I listen to Nat King Cole and his immortal words in the song ‘unforgettable’ I am reminded of why I started Grandparent Support, although the song was originally written as a love song for probably between two adults, I remember thinking on one of those unhappy Christmases in the not too distant past, when I was denied contact with my beautiful granddaughter, that I would not give up nor forget her, and in my heart I knew because of our bond that she would not forget me either.

When Natalie Cole released the virtual duet with her father in 1991 (who had died in 1965) it became my #1 Favourite and a testament to the power of love and music.

The song kept a light within in me, a small flickering light that was to burn like a flame and become my strength, it made me think of other songs too, songs that my granddaughter and I had enjoyed listening to together, one of her favourites that I had introduced her to is A windmill in old Amsterdam.

She still asks for this whenever I pick her up in the car, and we never fail to chuckle away with the mice at the end.

We have come to love other tunes together, you see that flame turned into a roaring fire that blazed through several courts and many negotiations and reconciliations, we have a working contact order that has been successfully in place now for over 18 months and with an open heart and an ever listening ear forcommunication and understanding it is set to continue.

My wish for all who are separated from their loved ones through family conflict this season is to have an open heart and an open mind and try again with the lines of communication, in whatever form that helps you as a family.

If you would like a dedication played on our radio show do please get in contact.

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A documentary by Grandparents plus

This documentary by Grandparents plus is a must watch for anyone who cares about grandparents and the very vital role that they play in today’s society.

 

News of this weeks Tea & Cake event

This month’s get together is on this Friday 6th June 11am-1pm All Welcome!

 

tea & cake

 

If you are a grandparent that has been denied contact and you would like to meet other grandparents in the same situation, come along to one of our Tea & Cake events.

We welcome all alienated grandparents and other members of the family too, alienation affects the whole family.
Many compare it to a living bereavement, we offer tea and empathy and support for each other.
It’s not all doom and gloom! Meeting with others who are going through or have gone through alienation, is invaluable they know your pain and feel the same anguish, come
along and support each other, we help each other smile too!

The First Friday of every Month
11;00am -1:00pm at
Whitemoss Youth & Community
Centre Southdown Crescent,
Blackley Manchester M9 7DQ

Ironically 12th of June will be the first anniversary of a contact order  between the adults that has been in place and NOT BROKEN ONCE since agreed last year! It can be done! It takes flexibility and open negotiation on all sides for the child to benefit!

The Simple Act of Forgiveness

I have long since learned to forgive, just small things, then some huge, but never more so than in the battle to see my granddaughter.

Forgiveness is also about your own pre-conceived notions and how to eradicate them, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate.

Fine words- hard to put into practice unless you try, try and try again.

How do you go about it? Well that all depends on the offence or level of it, could you forgive someone for stealing from you? For me it depends on what they stole but more importantly why they stole it?

Was it just to have whatever they stole as a possession? They didn’t have what you had, and maybe their envy caused them to steal?

Maybe they stole to survive, would you still condemn and thus not forgive?

I suppose that all comes down to the offence.

I have often said here that you must not break the law to prove your point, it may attract attention in the short term, but it does nothing for your long term goal, does it?

Or does it? Well that all depends on the law of the land at that particular time doesn’t it.

Think Nelson Mandela and then have a re-think, why was he jailed in the first place? Why was he freed? Why and how did he change history?

Then think again about his strongest message- forgiveness.

If you are a grandparent reading this, forgive and build bridges to move forward.

If you are a parent reading this, forgive and build bridges to move forward.

If you are a politician and law maker reading this, adapt and change law to move forward.

If you are a child reading this, forgive them for they know not what they do!

‘Cinderella’ emotional cruelty law considered’

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26814427

 

Proof, that we are the Jam in the nation’s sandwich!

In my research over the last few months, some older men & women do not even recognise that they are grandparent carer’s! – a grandparent that cares regularly for their grandchild so the parent can work, or one who is a kinship carer- the child lives with the grandparent.

It will be no surprise therefore, that they certainly won’t recognise themselves as “the sandwich generation” those men & women who care for grandchildren and their own elderly parents too!

I have just read the Institute for Public Policy Research’s (IPPR) publication on

The sandwich generation: Older women balancing work and care

“The contribution that older women make to their families and to the economy needs

to be more widely recognised. Older women provide vital support to families, enabling

many people to (re-)enter the workforce and supporting growth in the workplace and

in consumption. There is therefore a great need to provide better support to older

women, both at home and in the workplace. The following recommendations set out

some strategies that could better support older women who work and/or care, and

specifically the grandparents who often find themselves wedged in the middle of the

‘sandwich generation”

(This excerpt is from the published Article you can download it from their website, click on the link below.)

http://www.ippr.org/publication/55/11168/the-sandwich-generation-older-women-balancing-work-and-care

…and their Conclusion

“This report has demonstrated the fact that older women make valuable contributions

both in work and in caring for younger and older generations – yet older women as a

group remain invisible to policymakers. Enabling older women to work for longer and

alongside caring responsibilities could make an enormous positive difference not only

to their lives, but to their families and society more widely.”

This week I had a chat via the web with Karen Woodall (The Family Separation Clinic) among other things we were discussing the ever changing roles of women, what feminism has done to us over the years- as we are the generation that grew up with it, we feel well qualified to discuss.

In particular the legacy that we have left to our younger women, and how some women now wield this power to emasculate men and more importantly deprive them of being a father to their children.

I cannot speak on behalf of, or even as eloquently as Karen (click on the link at the foot of this post to visit her site.)

What I will say is this- and I repeat my request from my International Women’s day post –  take a step forward, try and build a new relationship with those that are estranged from you and your child/children, in particular the father’s.

All you are doing is contributing to an even heavier workload and the stress, of the men & women that have gone before you and worked hard to fight for your right to be recognised, while in return, what is it that you give?

 

A Simple Plea on International Women’s day

http://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/the-female-of-the-species-is-more-deadly-than-the-male/

If you have any thoughts on this please comment, if you are part of the sandwich generation we particularly want to know how we can help contact us.

 

would you like to join our facebook support group?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/Grandparentsupport/ Just click on the link, it is closed group to protect your privacy, we welcome all alienated family members!

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelou

Family Law is undergoing radical change and it is gathering pace, there have been calls from all those involved within the system to change the system, I speak predominantly from experience as an Alienated Grandmother that has been within that system for some years!

Yet I challenged my own right to have rights, and then I changed my attitude, it was not my right, but my grandchild’s right to continue our relationship, yet it was not my right or was it?

I believe it was my right to fight for a family life, is that not a human right?

Do we not allow all manner of folk to enjoy their human rights?  stop and think about this?

Think of how many times you have heard some ne’er do well quote their human rights?  think again of whatever the crime they committed, and were convicted of yet they were given this or that on the auspices of their human rights!

I do not wish to get into specifics as I do not wish to appear to be in favour of this, that or the other, wishy washy? you may think so, but I do believe in the law for without it the world would be in far more chaos!

I also believe in communication and a better way forward for all families, particularly those who are estranged and alienated, if you want to make the world a better place for your children and your grandchildren get in contact.

Today we celebrate the nine month anniversary of a working contact order that took nine long years to achieve, this weekend we will celebrate the history of our family with our granddaughter, who is also a niece, a cousin, a great-niece, and just an ordinary little girl whom we love!

 

If you wish to join us in supporting family life or you need help, get in contact.

Why an inquisitorial system for family courts won’t work