Proof, that we are the Jam in the nation’s sandwich!

In my research over the last few months, some older men & women do not even recognise that they are grandparent carer’s! – a grandparent that cares regularly for their grandchild so the parent can work, or one who is a kinship carer- the child lives with the grandparent.

It will be no surprise therefore, that they certainly won’t recognise themselves as “the sandwich generation” those men & women who care for grandchildren and their own elderly parents too!

I have just read the Institute for Public Policy Research’s (IPPR) publication on

The sandwich generation: Older women balancing work and care

“The contribution that older women make to their families and to the economy needs

to be more widely recognised. Older women provide vital support to families, enabling

many people to (re-)enter the workforce and supporting growth in the workplace and

in consumption. There is therefore a great need to provide better support to older

women, both at home and in the workplace. The following recommendations set out

some strategies that could better support older women who work and/or care, and

specifically the grandparents who often find themselves wedged in the middle of the

‘sandwich generation”

(This excerpt is from the published Article you can download it from their website, click on the link below.)

http://www.ippr.org/publication/55/11168/the-sandwich-generation-older-women-balancing-work-and-care

…and their Conclusion

“This report has demonstrated the fact that older women make valuable contributions

both in work and in caring for younger and older generations – yet older women as a

group remain invisible to policymakers. Enabling older women to work for longer and

alongside caring responsibilities could make an enormous positive difference not only

to their lives, but to their families and society more widely.”

This week I had a chat via the web with Karen Woodall (The Family Separation Clinic) among other things we were discussing the ever changing roles of women, what feminism has done to us over the years- as we are the generation that grew up with it, we feel well qualified to discuss.

In particular the legacy that we have left to our younger women, and how some women now wield this power to emasculate men and more importantly deprive them of being a father to their children.

I cannot speak on behalf of, or even as eloquently as Karen (click on the link at the foot of this post to visit her site.)

What I will say is this- and I repeat my request from my International Women’s day post –  take a step forward, try and build a new relationship with those that are estranged from you and your child/children, in particular the father’s.

All you are doing is contributing to an even heavier workload and the stress, of the men & women that have gone before you and worked hard to fight for your right to be recognised, while in return, what is it that you give?

 

A Simple Plea on International Women’s day

http://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/the-female-of-the-species-is-more-deadly-than-the-male/

If you have any thoughts on this please comment, if you are part of the sandwich generation we particularly want to know how we can help contact us.

 

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“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelou

Family Law is undergoing radical change and it is gathering pace, there have been calls from all those involved within the system to change the system, I speak predominantly from experience as an Alienated Grandmother that has been within that system for some years!

Yet I challenged my own right to have rights, and then I changed my attitude, it was not my right, but my grandchild’s right to continue our relationship, yet it was not my right or was it?

I believe it was my right to fight for a family life, is that not a human right?

Do we not allow all manner of folk to enjoy their human rights?  stop and think about this?

Think of how many times you have heard some ne’er do well quote their human rights?  think again of whatever the crime they committed, and were convicted of yet they were given this or that on the auspices of their human rights!

I do not wish to get into specifics as I do not wish to appear to be in favour of this, that or the other, wishy washy? you may think so, but I do believe in the law for without it the world would be in far more chaos!

I also believe in communication and a better way forward for all families, particularly those who are estranged and alienated, if you want to make the world a better place for your children and your grandchildren get in contact.

Today we celebrate the nine month anniversary of a working contact order that took nine long years to achieve, this weekend we will celebrate the history of our family with our granddaughter, who is also a niece, a cousin, a great-niece, and just an ordinary little girl whom we love!

 

If you wish to join us in supporting family life or you need help, get in contact.

Why an inquisitorial system for family courts won’t work

Going underground: into the world of the alienated child

If you were ever under any illusion about alienation, I dare you to read this and still think the same! either click on Karen Woodall or view original to read whole article!

Karen Woodall

First real day of sunshine and I am thinking about the way in which we survive cycle after cycle, the downward spiral into winter and the way in the myth of persephone in the underworld plays itself out in our lives over and over and over again.  Born as we are, in a cylical world, none of us can avoid the reality of life, death and separation from our loved ones.  Demeter lamented as  her daughter Persephone was taken from her by Hades,the god of the underworld, in a story of abduction, reconciliation and regeneration.  In the Persephone myth, there is the foretelling of spring, renewal and reunification.  For the alienated child and family, none of this normal and natural renewal is allowed to occur and so the world becomes frozen in time as the child disappears, deep into the underworld, where the family they have rejected cannot follow.  As…

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A Simple Plea on International Women’s day

To all women, particularly if you have the care of a child who is alienated from their father and/or their paternal/maternal grandparents.

Today is international women’s day, where women all over the world are celebrated as peace makers, caregivers, hard workers, forward thinkers and much, much, more.

My plea is simple take a step forward, try and build a new relationship with those that are estranged from you and your child/children.

Firstly though may I stress, that if you believe you or your child/children are in any danger of physical or psychological abuse, seek professional help to safeguard yourself and your child/children, do not attempt to build these bridges on your own.

There are many reasons for communication breakdown some are really serious and take time to work through, some are trivial slights that have become even greater with the passage of time as we hang on to the negativity of some perceived injury to our personality, the way we dress, the way we raise our children, a comment that was made? What we do for a living etc.

Sound familiar? Well it should, we can all take things the wrong way sometimes both men and women!

What I ask is this, you try and work through this for the sake of the children, no parent wants to deny their child contact with the other parent or grandparents, (unless as I stated earlier, it is a safeguarding issue).

Take that first step, draw a line in the sand and say what is past is past, forgive and move on, write a letter/email if it helps, set out new ground rules for your relationships to move forward.

Alienation is fast becoming recognised as a form of psychological abuse know as PAS.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is the deliberate attempt by one parent to distance his/her children from the other parent. The motivation is to destroy the parental bond between his/her children with the other parent.

The impact of PAS on a child has far reaching consequences on a child’s ability to form and maintain relationships in the future, but it also has a negative impact on their behaviour in general.

Make a difference to your child’s future, by forgiving and moving forward and helping your child cultivate and maintain their relationships with their parent, grandparent and extended family.

You will be proud you did and so will your child, who will one day become a parent themselves and make you a grandparent.

Happy International Women’s Day!

 

iwd_long

 

http://www1.internationalwomensday.com

#IWD